Dave Wrote
by duhkangster
Summary: Dave's complete POV of SITNOP.
1. Dave Wrote

**saturday july 30th**

**party in the woods**

**11: 40 pm**

What. In. Bloody. Hell.

Georgia.

Again.

Decided to return to my sanctuary that consists of a thing I have come to know as my umbrella bed. Because I am in fact, sleeping on an umbrella. Tom and his official snogger might call it a sleeping bag but I am far more civilized than them.

Also, it's not much a of a sanctuary really, since I am surrounded by nonsense. Or as the uncivilized might call them, "trees". I don't know.

**11:43 pm**

Do I ever know though? Honestly. It's honestly never a sure thing with anything. Anything is called Georgia. One minute I have a girlfriend, who, some people say is very very nice, but then the other minute I'm snogging my not girlfriend who might have broken her bum-oley. By the way, my not girlfriend is Georgia.

**11:45 pm**

Georgia, Georgia, Georgia. Georgia Nicholson. Nicholson, Georgia. Well hello there Georgia Nicholson. Oh, are you Georgia Nicholson? Oh, ye- NOOOOOOOOOO. STOP THIS NONSENSE.

**11:52 pm**

So why am I thinking about one, Georgia Nicholson? And noooott my quite nice girlfriend? What was her name again? Hm..I will ponder this thought later. Well, earlier in the night, me and the lads were being the gentlemen we were and pulled the girls out of their umbrella houses or tent, whatever you call it to times of merriment.

**12 second later**

Well, it WASN'T times of merriment. More on the lines of me being confused and Georgia being...well..Georgia.

**1 minute later**

Okay, okay the snog with her was quite nice. I think the girls would call it a No. 4, but I though it was more on the lines of a No. 5. I believe I had Jas write this scale out for me, but I can't be bothered to look for it now. Especially since I am surrounded by trees, and trees seeing paper would make them quite depressed. Do you see how considerate I am??

**5 minutes later**

Unlike Georgia. She went off with the Lesbian Italian Stallion. Which is not at all considerate. I comforted her when she started blubbering about because..to be fair I was a bit mean to her. But TRUTHFUL. She's the one who used me as a red herring, went off with one of my best mates, and uses me whenever she is in need of a good snog. Not that I don't enjoy it either. It's just...AHHHHHHH. Luckily...and not luckily Tom and Jas came about during their moss hunt so me and Georgia were forced to part.

**Midnight**

So I have come to a conclusion. More of a chart really.

Dave: Truthful, considerate, and has been used. Badly.

Georgia: A confuser, a user, and quite a Sex Kitten.

NOOOO. She is not, she is not. Especially her and that nose of hers.

**A tid bit after midnight. **

Actually I don't have a problem with her nose at all. I think it's quite cute. I always sneak a peak at it when I give her a bit of the lip nibbling. I hope she likes it.

**1 minute later**

Well, of course she likes it. It's me! Harharhar.

**20 seconds later**

Why am I here by myself while the rest of the crew is off with their snog partners? Georgia probably has no problem with this since she just loves snogging, even if the person on the other side of her lips is not a lesbian with a scooter.

**5 minutes later**

She is the best snogger I have the honor of snogging...

Phwoar.


	2. Stop Emma! The Pictures are Innocent!

**sunday july 31st**

**8:00 a.m.**

I hate Tom. I hate trees. I hate lesbians with handbags and scooters.

Tom decided to be the chum that he is and woke us up at this ungodly hour. Because according to him sleeping in late is wasting precious daylight.

What the hell?

Who gives a flying arse about daylight?

I can easily just use a flashlight and get on with my life.

Not that I need a flashlight because I am a normal man, yes, man who likes to sleep in the dark.

**1 minute later**

Without flashlights.

**10 seconds later**

And especially without TOM.

**9:35 a.m.**

Tom is driving the rest of us back home. I tried to pass out but it's impossible with Tom rambling on how Jas found this type of moss that isn't normally found in these kinds of regions and blah blah blah poop in my pants.

**9:41 a.m.**

Oh no, bloody hell no. Tom has thankfully moved on with the conversation. But unthankfully the conversation has moved to the topic of Georgia. WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?!

" So Dave, noticed you and Georgia being a bit close last night."

" Why wouldn't we be?"

" It's just...you haven't forgotten about Emma have you?"

Emma! That's her name.

" Of course I haven't. She's my girlfriend."

" She's quite nice."

" So I've heard."

" Did you do anything?"

" Actually Tom we did."

" Really?! Dave..what?"

" We breathed some air, you know to keep on doing the other thing we were doing. Which was walking. Because without oxygen, it's a bit hard to do that."

" Don't be such a smart ass."

" Stop being a dumb ass."

**10 minutes later**

Hahahaha, Tom is not speaking now. Thank the oh so merciful Lord. Now I can sleep.

**15 seconds later**

I was wrong. Declan won't shut up about Ellen.

" I showed her my Swiss Army Knife."

I kindly replied, " Are you dead in the head?"

" Why would that make me dumb?"

" What girl would want to see a knife. You're not much the romantic Declan."

" Shut up Dave. It's not my fault I don't have a million girlfriend, none of which I can seem to keep."

" What in the name of Tom's girlfriend's knickers are you talking about?"

" I'm just saying...Georgia and you aren't exactly just mates."

" We are so! Matey mates in fact."

" Then why do you proceed to call her 'Sex Kitten'."

" ...Declan may I answer that with a question?"

" I guess..."

" Are you jealous that I don't call YOU Sex Kitten? Because it that bothers you so, I will. Because Declan I find you oh so scrumptious."

"..No need to get smart with me Dave."

" Only with you Sex Kitten."

**11:03 a.m.**

Home! HOME. Maybe Tom was right! I'm ready to seize the day. I feel as though I've just taken shots of energy. I think I'll first start of my day by taking a good long jo--ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

**3:27 p.m.**

Seem to have dozed off just for a second. And I've decided Tom to be crazy. Because I'm looking out my window now and there seems to be bloody loads of daylight left.

**2 minutes later**

I should call Georgia.

**15 seconds later**

Oh and ...was it Ella? No it's not that...Hmm...

**4:18 p.m.**

EMMA! Yes, I remember. Because she called me earlier and the caller I.D. kindly informed me of her identity. The conversation was a bit dry I have to admit.

" Dave are you back?"

" Yes I am."

" Would you like to meet up and maybe hit the pictures?"

" Now, Emma dear, I don't think it's necessary to hit the pictures. Just because it's not human doesn't mean its anymore inferior to you."

" Well, I mean..I just meant..."

" It's alright darling. I will see you in ten."

**5:28 p.m.**

I guess I'll talk to Georgia after I stop my apparently mad girlfriend from physically damaging an innocent piece of machinery.


	3. Understanding Luurve

**monday august 1st**

**2:12 p.m.**

Everyone! Especially the ladies, please please calm yourself for Dave the Laugh has returned! Keep your pants on lads, for I do not turn that way.

**3 minutes later**

Ell-Emma. Yes, Emma. We had quite a lurvy time at the picture. Oodles of luckiness for me, she did not run off with a bat charging towards the screen. That would've been very embarrassing.

**30 seconds later**

It was kind of a pickle, I have to admit, when she asked about the camping fiasco. I could hardly believe what an interrogator she was being. She might as well have been shining a light on me with a gun to my head.

" Oh, Dave how was camping with the lads?"

" IT WAS FINE. STOP BLUBBERING ME WOMAN."

Unfortunately, it got kind of quiet after that. I'm not sure if it was because that is the rule when one is viewing a flick. But it also might be because I yelled at my nice girlfriend in a very un-nice way.

**10 minutes later**

Hmm..come to think of it. I have not seen Georgia in awhile.

**2 minutes later**

Guess it doesn't matter since I shall not be seeing her for awhile sense I will be too busy with Erin.

**10 seconds later**

Emma. That's what I said, yes?

**tuesday august 2nd**

**10:00 a.m.**

Tom rang. He wants to meet me in the park.

**7 minutes later**

Can't blame him for wanting to hang out with can I ?

**11:47 a.m.**

So apparently Tom has told Jas that he thinks it's a good idea that they go to separate unis.

Now when I asked him the reason for this I tried being the nicest chum I could be.

" When the man who passes out brain came along, did you just say 'Oh no I'll come back another day' ? Honestly man, what in the name of arse were you thinking?"

" Dave that's uncalled for. Don't you think it makes the slightest of sense?"

" Oh yes, it's very clear to me Tom. You have just dumped perhaps the luurve of your life."

" But that's the reason why I think going to separate places would be a good idea! To see if we truly are the luurves of eachothers lives."

" Couldn't you do that while not having the Atlantic Ocean to part you?"

" C'mon Dave. It'd time to be mature. Our future isn't going to just wait for us. And I think it's time you began getting more mature about this lurve buisness."

Excuse me, Tom. Have you forgotten that I am...well ME?!

Of course I didn't say that.

" Excuse me, Tom. Have you forgotten that I am..well ME?!"

Oh bugger.

" Dave...you just don't understand what lurve is."

" No Tom. I quite understand what lurve is."

" Then what is it?"

" Lurve is a pain in the bum-oley."

Poor Tom, he didn't find that even the teensy bits funny.

**Noon**

Walking home. By myself. Tom has the tiff with me. Accusing me of not understanding.

**In Bed**

I understand everything. I understand my shoes. I understand the dirty diaper I have to change whenever I got over to my grandparents. Did I mention they do not have a baby?

**23 minutes later**

Hmm..Well actually..I guess there is one thing I don't understand.

**8 seconds later**

It's bloody Georgia Nicholson!!

**1:26 p.m.**

God I am in dear need of a snog.

**12 minutes later**

I guess that's what a girlfriend is for.

**10 seconds later**

If only I knew what my girlfriends name was.

**1 minutes later**

Ellen? No...that's a dithering spazz. Ella? No that's not it...Erin? Nope, too lesbian like.

**2 minutes later**

Not that having a lesbian girlfriend would be all that bad...But wouldn't that make ME a lesbian?

**1 minute later**

No that is QUITE impossible for I am not Italian, do not own a handbag, and do not ride a scooter around like a pain in the pants.


	4. Ignorance is Bliss, deary Tom

**saturday august 20th**

**sven's djing gig night**

**7:24 p.m**

Hmm..Getting ready to go the club with the boys tonight. Of course I have loads of getting ready to do which consists of a very organized and tight agenda.

1. Grab jeans, any jeans.

2. Put on a shirt. A clean shirt.

3. Dunk head under running faucet, dry it, and leave alone.

4. Drown myself in body spray.

5. Walk out the door.

Obviously I take the time to doll myself up.

**at Tom's**

" I don't know Dave."

" Tom, I realize there are many things you don't understand, but do you mind if you could just be a bit more specific?"

" I'm talking about the gig tonight. I understand we need to support Sven in all but me and Jas are...I don't know."

"Well that's not entirely Jas's fault now is it?"

" I guess.."

I think I am about to die with this unnecessary ramble. So I must put an end to this.

" Tom?"

" Yes?"

" You're going."

" Okay."

**Walking**

**8:49 p.m.**

So the boys are all here. As in Declan, Tom, Edward, Rollo, and of course me. The hornmeister itself.

Just walking, I believe we're a bit late.

" We're really late." said Tom.

" Wrong-o you are my pal, for we are just a bit late." I said back.

Quite witty like too I must say.

Then Declan decided to speak up and said, " Well, we were supposed to be there about fourty five minutes ago, and the girls probably already did their dance."

I looked at him. " Oh right you are Sex Kitty, we'd surely want to be where ever nunga-nungas are running wild and about."

" Stop with this Sex Kitty nonsense, I thought we were done with it."

" Oh I'm never done with you."

Then out of nowhere we heard, "Oo-er."

All of us turned around to see Lindsay and some of her other friends.

My, she really does not have a forhead does she?

But her nungas look fantastically and unreal-like brilliant.

**9:01 pm**

" So Dave so you think Masimo is really serious about this whole Georgia buiness?"

I didn't really know what to say.

" Uhm actually Lindsey, I think they are quite official at the moment."

"...At the moment?"

" Why are you asking?"

" It's just that I don't understand why on earth he would be so interested in such a tart. Same goes for Robbie."

How annoying is this girl? And why is she talking to me? I look over at the other guys and they try to act like nothings going on.

So much for best mates.

" Well I'd ask the same about you."

" Excuse me?!"

" Lindsay shove off. Georgia is well...THE Sex Kitty. And you're just Wet Lindsay."

" Wet Lindsay?? What on earth? Who calls me that?!"

Then quite hysterically all the guys and I replied " EVERYONE YOU TART!"

**5 minutes later**

For the lurve of baby Jesus! She kicked me right in the shin. Holy Tom's undercracker briefs does this hurt!!

Now it'll take forever to get around this block.

**At last at the club**

**9:36 p.m.**

Right as we walked in, the club was almost dead quiet.

All I saw was Mark Big Gob, and I just automatically said, " Mark, go and get your coats and hangbags, you and your sisters are leaving."

Then this wannabe Mick Jagger had the nerve to say " Who's gonna make me leave?"

I ignored the pain in my leg and stood over him to say, "I am."

Very manly indeed.

All of them boys left.

Thank goodness, they were putting a damper on this night already and I just here!

**3 minutes later**

I looked around the club to see who was there and caught sight of Georgia. I just walked over to her and automatically grabbed my hand to make it look like I actually fought and smiled at her.

Then I said, " Are you OK, Miss Kittykat?"

She said, " Oh, Dave, thank goodness you came. What has happened to your hand?"

" One of the hard lads bit me--I may never play the tambourine again."

Hahaha, I am indeed Dave the Laugh.

**10 seconds later**

" Dave, Dave, are you alright??? Oh God, your hand!! You poor thing, let me help you."

Turned out to be Emma.

I just gave one look at Georgia and said to her in the most charming way with the most charming smile and said, " Too many trousers spoil the broth" and limped away with Ellen.

No no, Emma.

My girlfriend.

**10:00 p.m.**

Me and the lads are walking off back home.

The police arrived and just made everything into a bore.

Not that I don't luurve a good brawl now and again.

But I'm in too much pain for this.

**10 minutes later**

For some reason Tom keeps looking at me like a thing that looks in the most annoying possible way.

" Tom I realize I have perfect bone structure, but unfortunately for you I do not turn that way, so please stop staring."

Right then and there I was knocked off my socks when he said, " I know you and Georgia made out back in the forest."


	5. Skins and Mental Hospitals

**On the couch of accusation**

**saturday august 20th **

**11:23 pm**

Staring at Tom.

Tom staring at me.

Not sure if this is a contest or not but I'll be damned if I lose this since I'll probably lose whatever is coming up.

Tom won't even move.

Bloody hell! I'm twitching over here as if I've got the turrets or some sorts!

**5 uncomfortable seconds later**

Oh thank the heavens, the statue has spoken.

" Dave...are you alright?" asks Tom.

" Well excuse my excellent French Tom, but what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

" You've been...cluttered lately."

" Cluttered?"

" Yes, cluttered. Even Jas thinks so. Especially after you and Georgia had that snog back at the forest earlier in the summer, and I KNOW you haven't said anything to Emma, which isn't fair by the way. Neither for you or Emma...or Georgia for that matter."

I just had to stop this right here.

I immediately put my hand up at Tom and said, " Excuse me oh "wise one" when was it ever you to decide the goings on in MY life? Is it my fault your girlfriend is nuts and has dragged you down to the mental clinic as well wearing those unnecessary large knickers!!"

...I was kind of hoping he'd laugh. A grin at least.

No laugh.

No grin.

Then he said something very annoying in his annoying way of speaking , " Dave you're a cheat, a liar, and crap at being a best mate."

" HEY, I treat Ellen great-"

" It's Emma you dingbat!"

...He's so touchy.

**Lying in bed, if you call it that**

**1:00 am**

Watching 'Skins'.

Quite a lovely show really but a tad on the depressing side.

I mean this fucking bloke just got hit by a bloody bus?

First of all, he's been standing for awhile and you'd think the bus driver would've seen him and kindly slow down.

Nope instead he goes straight up 300 mph on that bad boy and just runs him over!

On a fucking alley way of a road too. God damnziez.

And this Sid character..well he's just hopeless isn't he?

**10 minutes later**

Well, the bloke who got hit by car is retarded now. Too sad to watch more of this torment. So now I'm left to think. Yes, I could sleep. By why have a peaceful sleep when you can have red shot eyes at one in the morning with what I'm thinking is a hammer hitting the top of my head over and over like a fucking metronome.

**20 seconds later**

Of course Tom won't talk to me. I don't think Georgia likes talking to me all that much either because she always ends up in some kind of spazz attack.

I could always call up my other mates, but then they might accuse me of being "homosexual."

I don't even get what's so bad about being homosexual.

You get to have friends with benefits, play soccer, and skip all that emotional crap!

Although the lack of nunga nungas department of it might cause some problems, but isn't that what plastic surgery was invented for?

Oh God, I sound mad.I guess I should go follow Jas and Tom to the mental house.

**1: 34 am**

Yeah, I'm pretty sure all of this stress is costing me precious beauty sleep.

You know what? I'm thinking of pulling an all nighter! That's what all the cool lads are doing lately, I mean I'm young right?! I should still be out being wild and what not hitting up the parties and sha--ZZZZZZ.

**sunday august 21st**

**2:00 pm**

I've never slept better.

NOT!!!


	6. Footie

**wednesday august 24th**

**late evening**

Haven't talked to Georgia in quite a while. Not sure if I should be relieved or irritated. At least my head isn't filled with some much chitty chatter all the time. But..

no Georgia?

Her large eyes and her brown hair like chocolate waves.

And...

sure her nose is..a little off, but it's endearing actually.

I just tease her cause it's so cute how she gets all self conscious.

She actually doesn't have that big confidence does she?

Well I have loads of that, maybe we balance eachtother ou---RIIIIIIIIING.

Ahh, bugger.

" Hello?" I said the formal introduction.

" Hey Dave. " 

Tom diddly Tom. 

Are we friends?

I don't even remember quite honestly.

" Yes, Tom diddly Tom?"

" I'm not saying we're back to being lads, but.."

But... God he's slow to get to things isn't he?

" But..wwwwhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttt?"

" Be patient Dave, goodness. The other lads were wondering..."

Wonder...pleease get to the point. Does he need a compass or something?

" Wonder...wwwwwwhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaattttt?"

" For christ sakes Dave! Let me get my thoughts together. It's been a little hectic for me lately with Jas worrying over Georgi-"

" W-wait what? What's wrong with Georgia? Oh for christ- did she poke herself in the eye with her little eye stick? Did she fall over the stair with her ridiculous choice of foot wear? Was it that italian bloke?-"

" DAVE! Honestly! You haven't heard about Georgia? No surprise, no one has seem to see you in ages. Not even Emma. Have you've honestly just been home all these days?"

Georgia..Wrong. Georgia. Something wrong Georgia. What is it? 

Tom's still talking..got to try and bring it out of him.

" Yeah, I've been home. But seriously, Tom I'd really like to know what's up with Georgia."

" Huh? That's not what I called you abou-"

" I honestly don't give a flying arse Tom. Just tell me what's going on."

" Dave, this is exactly why you don't make a good lad. Just let me talk. You always think about yourself and your own damn needs."

Being quiet hoping his little rant will pass soon.

" Well..."

" Well the other lads, not me, wanted to know if you wished to play some football tomorrow afternoon. So come if you wish. Bye."

Before I could even accept the invitation, he hung up.

**fifteen minutes later**

Should I go?

If the other lads are going, that means ..their girls are going.

And if the girls are going...that includes Georgia.

So..I really do need to know what's up with my Sex Kitten.

..wait MY Sex Kitten?

Whatever.

I'm going.

Got to show Emma I'm still alive anyway.

Emma?

No that's not right. 

I'd never in my right mind go out with an 'Emma'.

How absurd.

It's probably something along the lines of like..Elizabeth.

I love elegant names like Elizabeth...and names like Georgia.

Ahh, shake head, shake head.

**10 seconds later**

All of a sudden I'm quite tired. 

Just laying on my bed.

You can see the imprint and outline of my body, masculine body, of the days I've just spent in my bed. 

Now actually looking at my body, and well..

I have to admit I've contained some flab.

So I guess playing some football tomorrow should do some good.

**5 seconds later**

I still look quite fit. 

Sure of that.

**thursday august 25th**

**11:24 am**

Getting ready.

To play football.

You know, Georgia calls it 'footie'?

She's quite clever that girl.

Err...phone's vibrating.

Heheh.

Oh..it's just Elizabeth. Of course I'd know that since I labeled her on my caller I.D. as 'Girlfran'.

I suppose I should answer it just to show I'm indeed still alive.

" Hey El-"

" Hey Dave, it's Emma."

Oh, bugger. 

Feeling just a bit like a twat I answer with more caution in my voice.

" Oh E-Emma! So are you heading over to the park today?"

" Are you? I heard something about it. Not exactly invited."

" What? Nonsense! I'm inviting you. You are my girlfran and all that."

" Haha, I assumed you forgot."

The truth of what she said kind of stung, but I knew she was just kidding.

" Hahahahhahahahahahha, yes of course. I've got to go now, my flab is sticking out so the faster I get to playing footie the sooner I 'm even more handsome. Yes, yes I know it seems impossible for me to get even MORE handsome and so so fit, but never say never sweet Eli-Emma."

" Footie? How cute. Well just come by in a couple or so, I'll be waiting."

" Of course you will. Ta-ta!"

" Haha bye Dave."

All that enthusiasm was pretty exhausting. I honestly am losing my fitlikeness.

**noon**

Hahahahahahahahaha. 

Wet Lindsay is here.

That Italian twat honestly has no idea what he's doing, does he?

Poor Georgia.

Walking up to her general area after sweating all the flab off, thank goodness, from playing footie with the lads. 

Robbie's here which creates even more tension in the air.

Oh crap.

Maybe this is why I stayed safe in my room for so long, can't really handle this drama.

But with Georgia, everything is.

Ah, Emma is walking over here.

She smiles a lot. Makes her look happy.

Why is she so happy?

And she always has her hand through my hair.

It does feel nice...but why is she so happy?

Is it because she's with me??

Of course it is. Curse my all around good charm. 


End file.
